i permit you to call me
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
