Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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