Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
