saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
