You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
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Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
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Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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