You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Randomize
