She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
