after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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