Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
