I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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