does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
