He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You took a bar mat shot.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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