sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
