Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
please come you make the beer taste better
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
