If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
