i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
