His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
