Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
