Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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