You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
