I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
