so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
not ubering you a puppy
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
