did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
