Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
