Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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