me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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