God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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