I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
