So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
