You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Oh god it's open bar.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
