I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
