the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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