ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Holy sore nipples Batman
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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