You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
