Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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