I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
