I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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