no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
farters have to be the big spoon...
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
