and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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