His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
