I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
