um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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