Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Everything about him screamed your future.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
