Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
