it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
whose parrot is this?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
