Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
