i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
