Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
