I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
