She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Enjoy the penises
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
