When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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