Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
