i'm signing you up for texting rehab
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
