Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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