I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
