i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
