just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
