Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
