all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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