woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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