Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
