the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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