doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
