What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
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It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
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How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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