Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
