I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
