If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
You work out of a Hotel?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
