Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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