Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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