So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
