mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
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