I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
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i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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