So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
