omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
