She's JV to your varsity
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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