so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
