brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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