So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
