shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
