I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
