I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
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Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
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You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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