But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
