dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
