I want to make a zoo with you.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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